What started out as a simple eye warm-up became a bust figure with “The Last Airbender” scalp and sideburn tattoos. The hardest part of drawing this viewpoint is getting the eye proportions correct. I did a good job.
I was happy I sat down to draw, yet I felt unsatisfied altogether.
I had similar feelings on my latest drawings and all my warm-up illustrations. I was too busy questioning my work. How much easier would my approach to drawing eyes be if I had drawn more? Would I have just drawn a head or the whole body? Would my speed be faster? I focused on what could’ve been. Every question was fixated on the past, so I couldn’t enjoy the moment. Old mistakes are hindering new possibilities.
Inconsistency stunts growth. And regret is creating the same effect. I’m fortunate I have not lost my ability to draw and be creative. But the internal pressure makes drawing difficult.
This problem will never go away. Removing the pressure by not drawing only invites a stronger emotion, leading to the same dread.
However, a solution came to mind while drawing. Guilt and regret are a part of the process. Working despite their presence creates an antidote. I was never finding the cure from withdrawing; otherwise, my professional outlook would be different and better. Drawing despite those feelings removes them. I have to accept that to draw again.
If I had drawn often in my earlier work years, I would have realized this sooner. Lessons are more instilled when you’re in the practice of your profession or hobby. I don’t regret the knowledge I’ve collected over the years by consuming art; however, real progress could have been made if I drew more.
I still carry the weight of my past mistakes with me. Their values ebb and flow. This drawing didn’t happen by figuring out how to overcome those feelings. I drew and answers came later. Not enough to eliminate this long-standing block. But enough to get closer to a solution and enough to relive something I once enjoyed.
I was afraid of my art. And the fear was beyond unreasonable.
There is only a medium to canvas. Lines upon lines. Graphite, markers, paint and inks to board paper. The only loss to drawing is time, yet the finished illustration COULD replace its value.
My repel from drawing matches the reaction of someone’s life being threatened. I’m not a surgeon in an operating room. There is no real battlefield that my art will defend or destroy. And I’m not developing infrastructure to support millions of people.
Like clockwork, I sit on my desk unable to produce anything. There are many days I don’t make it that far. I try talking myself over this barrier. The encouragement lasts only as long as the conversation.
I thought my habits were the main issue. I can fill a stadium wall of tally marks to the moments I’ve missed art, even only counting the last sixteen years. More failures than strides creates a pattern too overbearing to course correct. There was a time I though my fear was from outgrowing the life I admired. I would have to give up most of my social and family life to put in the hours needing to be a successful illustrator. I was not ready for that. Even if possible, the earn income wouldn’t justify the time commitment in the earlier years. I didn’t want to overwork myself while struggling to afford a living.
My excuses were multiple-choices!
Researching gave me the answers to many of them. The time I wasn’t drawing was still used to find answers. The internet is full of interviews, books, and courses where anything can be understood if you know what you’re looking for and come across reputable sources.
My horrible habits were the only “reasonable” excuse. Someone who doesn’t draw long enough would completely stop drawing. Routines turns to habits. Habits into character. Character into identity and destiny. The only answers I found to altering that destiny I carve for myself is to dread a path long enough to get away from it. The same efforts made to remove the identity of an artist out of my life, would be the same efforts to add it back. And it’s not a quick fix. Changing something you done for years takes time and concentration. The quicker you want that change the higher the concentration must be. And time is the biggest factor. There is no seven-day fix. You don’t complete a 30- to 90-day program and magically have that new routine ingrained in you. The problem I created took nearly two decades to create.
Life change. Not working on my art didn’t prevent change. It’s true that I would lose a lot of socializing time, yet that doesn’t mean I won’t have any time with my love ones. There are a list of professional artists I follow that manage a lucrative creative career AND a family. Enough of them took their time through books and YouTube channels to share how they’ve done it.
And finally, if the art is treated as a business, the money will follow in time. I didn’t know that lesson for the longest. There were more stories I’d read of good artist who fail to find a large enough audience, than the ones that do. When so much entertainment is available for free online, legal or otherwise, less people buy art. I had friends who follow manga stories throughout its course and not purchased a single item from its creators. That’s discouraging. But not all art made is meant for money. And the artist can grow to a popularity that he can afford to give something away to fans. It requires a lot of work to get there, but it’s possible. Far worse artists have made a wonderful living with their art.
I witness my art’s potential at the first comic convention I attended several years ago, Gump City Con 2017. I had money to artists’ wares, and I brought a small portfolio of my art to present. I asked every vendor I met about their profession after I bought from them. And with little back story of myself, I just shared my art ask asked the same type of question:
“What must I work on to be professionally ready?”
I was expecting to hear fundamental issues in my proportions and line work. I didn’t think my visual storytelling was consistent enough. And dabbing in art so infrequent made the execution of my work mediocre. Yet their reply was…
“No! You’re professionally ready now.”
This answer came from several people who knew extremely little of me. I asked that question much after I bought one of their wares. So they weren’t being nice in order to make a sale.
I have my doubts and uncertainties even to this day. There are things I need to practice to improve my art. There’s a lot of work to be done to gain the fanbase to support my craft. Those doubts and uncertainties were no reason to stop drawing; to a common man it would only encourage him to rise to the challenge.
I was a coward for something I’m extremely good at doing. I had uncertainty when all the questions I had were answered several times over in a dozen ways. Fear replaced love.
Clear, James. Atomic Habits: Tiny Changes, Remarkable Results : An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones. New York, New York, Avery, an imprint of Penguin Random House, 2018.
Out all the project I never finished, Inktober 2016 has to be my favorite.
Inktober is a creative event where artists illustrate daily prompts using ink mediums during the month of October. It’s a wonderful but demanding experience. For creators sharing their work online for the first time, it brings more viewers to the platform they use to post them. And it’s a great way to develop consistent work habits and dealing with deadline. This celebrated project was founded by artist Jake Parker.
In 2016, Jake Parker, collaborated with art supply subscription company, ArtSnacks, to make an art package dedicated to the event. I participated that year.
I had my concept planned out. I was so thrilled to begin I started a week early. I didn’t think I’ll make thirty one illustrations within a month. But I knew a lot would be done.
I was wrong.
What I wasn’t prepared for was the time needed on each illustration. To successfully balance Inktober, illustrations should lean towards simple. Two hours of work per drawing would’ve worked.
Below are four entries into Inktober 2016. Details about each artwork will be written in a later dispatch.
The teaching material was well constructed and very valuable, but not as beginner friendly as I hoped. The course comes with standard art supplies, an 11″ x 18″ course book, 5 comic board papers to do each homework assignment, and a large mailing envelop with cardboard support to help you mail in the assignment. The five courses gives you tips and advice to help you tackle each homework assignment and the wait time is usually 3 weeks in-between mailing the critique and redelivering it to you.
The Joe Kubert Course requires long term sessions to fully finish each coursework. I can sketch out ideas throughout my day, but I would need to sit at my drawing desk to reproduce the finish product on Bristol board paper.
Buying the course out of order may be the reason I’ve not enjoyed it as much. Penciling was the correct way to start instead of Story Graphics.
Below are work samples from the Joe Kubert Correspondence Course. And also, I’ll be doing later dispatches on what I have completed.
This is homework assignment 2 of the Joe Kubert Correspondence Course
These are the returned critiques from that assignment.
The difference in these two projects and Project SPIRIT is pre-establishment. These are a course and an event that had a predetermined set of steps to fulfill. I took liberties with INKTOBER deciding on drawing original characters and trademark characters that inspired their creation. Inktober typically provides single, daily word prompts for each day of October to draw.
Project SPIRIT is a dream concept I’m bringing to life. There are dozens of ways to do so, even if I focus on making it a comic book series.
It’s obvious what I should focus on first. Unless I find a simpler project with an easier end goal.
I have thirty-two hours a week, on average, of free time.
I unwind from my busy schedule during those hours. Or I use that time to reorganize my life, clean my apartment, and socialize with family and close friends.
The amount differs with every interruption and lag. But those hours are the norm.
Thirty-two house are what I have to go by for this art pursuit to work.
In Dispatch x002 I talked about what and how I will practice to improve my drawing skills. To see those routines through, I have to consider when I’m capable of doing the work. This has been the least of the two biggest barriers.
Mornings are ideal because it’s before other commitments get in the way. Mornings are when my mind is clearest and my energy is at its highest. Drawing at the end of the day is possible, but I have to fight against lethargy to get anything drawn.
What makes my mornings so difficult to maintain is my phone addiction. I love YouTube and other forms of entertainment, and my phone feeds the addiction. Without it, going to bed early and rested would be simple. And going to bed early ensures my mornings are relax and focused.
I have a stronger reason to kick that habit this time around. I won’t be able to promote myself as an artist if I don’t post. And I can’t post if I’m not drawing. So I will kick this addiction and track the gradual progress in future posts.
The greatest lesson learned from Brian Tracy’s most famous book Eat That Frog, and a recent read, The Art of Practice by Laido Dittmar, was to do hard things first. Barbell Squats are the hardest weight workouts I could perform. At work, updating lists and files are the most difficult because it’s incredibly boring. Art is hard since I don’t draw enough; but if I were to pick its greatest difficulty, extending my drawing time past an hour would be it.
That time needs to be filled with difficult techniques to take me out of my comfort zone, but not enough to where I quit out of frustration. Mechanical Drawing and Background are my weakest. Lo and behold, I have an excellent collection of books that focuses on all of my skill issues.
I could spend my entire art career drawing, tracing, and referencing from the Etherington Brothers’ books.
How to Think When You Draw series by the Etherington Brothers is a treasure trove of references and tips for anything you’re trying to learn. Every installment brings new tips and ideas that they already have online for anyone to study for free. I prefer the convenience of books to help curb my internet addiction, and to have the information in one spot.
I followed Dongho Kim some time around work with Superani. I love the way he handles perspectives and environmental drawings
The reviews from YouTubers , and looking at the artist’s work on social media. This book is worth its weight in gold. To many, Jeonghyun overloads you with his insight on drawing the human anatomy, but it’s that intention to detail that makes his artwork look so photorealistic, even when the art style is far from it.
I wish there was an English version!
This anatomy book is a simplified attempt at understanding human anatomy for artist, and he manage to cover every necessary point. I can only wonder what nugget of information is in the written part of the book.
I actually came across the full book shared on social media and downloaded it. But once again, I wanted a physical copy.
This book leans more towards technical drawing than what I’m familiar with. And I didn’t get into it because it required an equal space divider. By the time I could order it, my interest went away. I have a theory that if I practice technical drawing as it should be (draw something to scale), drawing it artistically would be easier.
Now, I have the intention of testing that theory.
I got anxious looking through my book collection to see where to start practicing. But this anxiousness to start has happened before. Beginner’s rush depletes after the first few minutes of drawings. I’ll need to look for ways to make what I draw engaging long enough to internalize the act of drawing again. And since I’m drawing to earn a living, what I draw needs to be attention grabbing and worth owning.
I’ll need a few days to really think of something worthwhile. I should still draw in the meantime. And speaking of drawing, this was the first set of practice I did while taking these pictures. This was a tutorial from How to Think When you Draw Volume 6.
There was a time I would challenge how well my art has progressed over the years. I’ll take an illustration I’ve done (and hopefully dated, which was also inconsistent) and see if I could better recreate it.
I loved doing these illustrations.
Demon Woman with Wings. This is my early attempt at drawing creepy but highly detailed illustrations
It was not just the art that improved; I had a ideal backstory and solid reasons for making the design changes. And my improvements were hard NOT to see.
Each of these shared drawings were done a few years apart from each other. I hate I forgot to write the date of completion on each.
Self-portrait of me in three different age groups.
As I look at them now, I ponder where I would be creatively had I continued to draw more often. If not every day, where would five hours a week take me after sixteen years?
The Demon Woman with Wings was lacking necessary texture design on her outfit and a dynamic posture, but I improved greatly on her proportions. I wanted the self-portrait drawing style to be simple, but my face could’ve looked more like me with practice. These are weaknesses that would’ve corrected themselves within the years I stopped drawing.
I lost a lot of drawing time. Time I’ll never get back. A celebrated artist with an admirable body of work are the ashes of what could’ve been.
Regret has taken its place. I’ve lost more to memory of backlog of ideas compared to what I remember. I am the man in the parable where he buried his talents in fear of losing them. I feel the call of the Master ready to examine what work I done with the talents he gave me.
An antagonist in three different forms, from a story I never fleshed out.
A drawing group started by a great friend. We were trying something but didn’t take time to continue.This is one of the few drawings I’ve put a date on the back. They were drawn a year apart with the left completed on April 28, 2012, and the right on July 16, 2013.Only the drawing on the far left was dated (July 26, 2010). I didn’t know the technique to even out color pencils so I colored very little.
I’m going to pretend that it hasn’t been years since I made a blog post.
THEY’VE ARRIVED!
Thanks to the help of artist Brandon Treadway and the printing services of Vistaprint, I’ve created my first set of business cards. I reduce my contact info to top three ways to reach me. These cards will be included in every commission piece I deliver to people.
By the time you read this article, my family and I would have laid my brother’s body to rest. The funeral would be over and all of us would continue adjusting to life knowing he’s not with us. I would continue to cope knowing that I’ll never see him live the life and career I’d encouraged him to strive for. I’m force to accept not uplifting him, to convince him to see his value and talent.
As an aspiring writer, I’ve believe in the power of words. They have been the greatest means of communication. Words caused wars and maintained peace among people and civilizations. Words have been the driving force of different ideologies. Personally, the right words have change how I perceive myself and the world around me.
My brother had joy in his life, especially when he was younger. He’s been the go-to person for small mechanical issues we had such as an unreadable cassette or DVD player, washing machine, a couple gaming consoles, and dozens of battery powered toys. Til this day I’m baffled as to how he fixed any of those things without proper education. My brother was smart in the way every engineer began. My brother had an under developed passion for designing. Heck, thinking about it HE was the reason I wanted to take up Architecture; the senior trip Orlando, Florida was only a reassurance!
But that not the life he ventured in. My brother never pursued life as an engineer. He never completed middle school. Nor did he try to attain his GED despite the few people who encouraged him and offered to pay the exam cost. He never made a decent living taking up a suitable trade to support himself. I can assume he had good times, but a good life remains to be proven.
There were so many times we’ve talked to one another. So many instances we agreed, disagreed, and just shared jokes and personal revelations. So many times I’ve used what little I knew to express what I believed about him. I’ve tried to be a decent example.
In hindsight, I believe that I was too late to make an effort. He was already old enough to determine his own lot in life regardless of how detrimental his future would be if taken that direction. I also know that I was not enough. In a social condition where hundreds of people are enticing you with short-term gratification, one voice of reason will always get drowned out. The world is hard enough already, and it’s easy for anyone to pick the road with little resistance. He’s become another victim of that faith.
I did give up on him. I can’t lie about always believing in him. Yet he didn’t know. Our last long calls was him being thankful that I haven’t given up on him. He mentioned – and I do believe he was exaggerating – that no one really made the effort to help him the way I had. Even after our most verbal altercation, there were still times I would help him despite knowing I’m being conned. It took a lot to give up, knowing so much about him. Living with someone since childhood and being one of the older siblings grants you that ego. Maybe I just have…HAD…high hopes. But one day I just force it. He was a man with his own view of the world and I had to respect him enough to make his own choices regardless.
There may have been a reason he thought I had faith in him. Maybe what I have done was so much so that it was hard for him to accept that I have. Yet, that’ll never be enough. No checklist of any size could convince me that I did all I could to help him. He is still gone. He still had so much going for him.
I’m not good at coping. I still have the regret of my mother’s passing still looming my thoughts. But life goes on and giving up completely won’t help since giving up never brought anyone back. I’m a failure with words, but right now it feels like all I have to remember him by. And I want to use these words.
You may know him by the short dreads or the nappy hairstyle he sported. You may have seen him in the baggy cloth style I’m glad to know is phasing out of style. His clothing style fumed with tobacco and mild cologne would have veered anyone off that didn’t know him. If not his tough guy persona would have. He would be classified as a hoodlum, cool ass dude, or thief depending on who you asked. Some may say he’s a hopeless cause or one of the smartest young handyman you’d come to know.
To me he would always be the kid who ran with me to mother to let her know there was a roach spotted. He would be someone who would stay up with you to play the game if you got tired of single player. He is another sibling I could make fun of the neighbors with and devise ways to finish supper without eating mother’s terrible boiled squash. He is the reason I love LEGOs and still have a sparkling desire to finish my Architectural Degree. He is someone who stood up for me when I was bullied, and corrected anyone who had the false notion that I was gay. He’s someone that was worth all the effort even when it felt like talking to a brick wall. He is the boy who was given the name Big Bird because of the yellow outfits he dawned in grade school for some ridiculous reason. No matter how many times I’ve said he wasn’t just to make him mad, he has always been my brother. And I will miss him dearly.
Can’t precisely explain how badly, but assuming I have close to two hundred books in my collection and only enough space to house eighty, I have to determine which are worth keeping and discarding the rest to another fortunate soul who’ll find more value in them. And how else can I do that than reading through those two hundred towering books?Even though space is the most important reason, my creative bank account is another. With illustration I have developed a terrific library of both digital and book form to help curb my creative block. My writing lacks that. What I have for crafting stories has done wonders with forming a cohesive concepts and armature, but starting the drafting phase is a boss fight I’m not equip for. And I feel that reading more novels and short stories could combat that.
Reading more isn’t a new concept. I’ve first came about it reading BAKUMAN, a manga about two artists who try to start a career as Japanese Comic Artists (define as mangaka). Several story craft books has also mentioned it, but Brian McDonald’s Ink Spots resonated with me best. One of his chapters express how important mentorship is in developing your own artistic talent.
Do I have one? A real art mentor I could interact with, yes and soon to be two. Virtual mentor, and for comic writing, it’s Alan Moore hands down. I only have his Watchmen story as a reference point. Mind you I read that book at least once every year. For illustration I have too many to count but I gawk at Kim Jung Gi’s live artwork daily. I’m two books into his collection slowly saving for the other six.
Literary? There was a time I was inspired to read the works and essays of Ralph Waldo Ellison, but his intelligent way with words intimidated my small cranium. For the life of me I can’t remember the short story I read from my college Literature class, but afterwards I grabbed every book the public library had with his name on it. So yeah, I should try him again. He’s only published one novel during his lifetime and three other novels were published afterwards, collected from his notes for his unfinished second one. There are also four essay books I may have to borrow if they’re no longer being printed (I will force myself to get through Shadow and Act this time, notes in hand).
…Hmm!
The more I type the more insignificant the books pictured above becomes. I didn’t really have a plan prior to writing this other than getting something on my blog. Those books are recent purchases and checkouts that I’m enjoying.
One Year to a Writing Life by Susan M. Tiberghien is a book that aides you in exploring many styles of writing for month-long periods. I’ve only gotten through the first chapter and I’ve decided to go the original pace the writer intended. The book is short enough to read in a few day sitting, but again I need to start taking notes from the books I read since my memory is that of an eighty year old with brain damage.
Art Money Success by Maria Brophy compiles alternate avenues other artist could use to boost the profitability of their art. The book is written by someone with twenty years of experience from a husband who art niche is paintings on surf boards. Yes, that was more than enough to convince me to try this book out.
Ready Player One by Ernet Cline, the movie trailer! Also envy.
Finally, The Working Writer’s Guide to Comics and Graphic Novels by Nick Macari. The content of his articles convinced me. And he was very punctual in answering a question some time back. I owe him a review too.
So yeah! Off to a good start. I’m not thinking of how long it’s been since I last posted (self worth contained) and I have a few other mentions reserve for the next post. If by some miracle a person is reading this on the day it’s posted, you are a patient kid. Don’t make my mistake of waiting to start something out of doubt. Plan while you go.
Taking this blogging seriously has been the most productive thing I’ve done since moving my stash of chocolate by my bedside. My weekends has been used for organizing online references, weeding out anything no longer worth reviewing. It’s been about two years since I’ve read The Life-Changing Habit of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo (@MarieKondo) that helped simplify my physical space. And now I wish I had the same aide for digital items. I’m going through my YouTube playlists and saved posts from Facebook and Google Toolbar to condense the amount of digital items I have, yet every hour I see a funny animal video is six additional hours lost to internet idleness. I’m loosing the battle of my attention span.
Stashed neatly in the corner of my closet (I’m getting good at this lying thing) is over sixty books I’m unsure are permanent keepsakes in my library. My New Year’s Resolution is to reading through each at least once before donating them. I made a deadline of a book a week – two if it’s longer than 350 pages – to specify the undertaking. So far I’ve finished four and June is coming in very soon (Yet another poorly fought internal conflict). This is of high importance since this is the year I’m adding Kim Jung Gi books to my collection. My hoarding habits extends far beyond my “professional” life, but discussing it further would prolong the ‘heavy crying in feeble position’ I plan to do once I complete this article.
My drive to finish anything becomes paralyze once I overwhelm myself with too many items at once. To compound this, I tend to start new ideas and projects without the incentive to completing any prior ones. And if it’s not me who brings such random projects to life, it’s sure to be a good friend who co-create projects too stupendous to be left out of.
So yeah! Hoarding: bad. Attempts to prevent it: pathetic. Me: dumb. And throughout this week I intend to get a closer grip on things. I don’t expect to have a flawless, organize stash of digital notes and web links, nor a workstation resembling someone who’s a minimalist; I only need to rid myself of the unimportant and have general locations of items that are. Being a perfectionist started this downward spiral, and its reward of blogging twice within a three-year period and rarely making time to draw has me wondering if I could return it for a discount. Never buy into something you know little about kids!
Draw more! Write more! And if a spirit tries to sell you on the idea of doing things later, ask for credentials and surveys on its claim. Doubts are good remedies for superstitious thinking.
deeintrigue 